I'm Never Going to Get Out of Here

I don't mean forever, I just mean in terms of finally meeting Drake's family in Illinois. I've met his family here and I absolutely adore them. His aunt and uncle are so amazing and I love his cousins, they are the most adorable girls I have ever met. Drake is at home right now though, with them as well as the rest of his family, for the 4th. I was supposed to go with, they were even going to wait until Sunday night to leave because I worked, but I ended up having to work today too so I didn't get to go and it makes me sad because all his friends are home too and he really wants me to meet everyone. He's also going home again in a couple weeks for his friend's birthday, but it is the same weekend as the Gavin DeGraw and Howie Day concert and we already have tickets, not to mention I was so excited about this concert I almost peed my pants and crashed my car at the same time. In fact, I still might pee my pants, I am that excited about it. I know I will get to meet Drake's family eventually which is cool, but I am not notoriously patient and he really wants me too as well. It just feels like things keep happening to prevent me from being able to go and it's almost like I'm just not supposed to meet them. It's weird. And stupid, I want to go hang out in Illinois.

Speaking of Illinois, Roxy's wedding is on the 29th of October in Chicago and I am super excited. Not pee-my-pants excited, but still excited. I have never been a bride's maid before. Once I was the flower girl in my aunt Tammy's wedding, I think I was two or three. I do not have a memory of this but the story has been told to me so many times I feel like it is mine: I was walking down the aisle with Brian's nephew Brandon and I was upset about something (imagine me, upset, even at age two). They must have told him to hold my hand but I was refusing and every time he'd try I'd pull away from him. I was getting mad and not really sprinkling the flowers like they told me to, but I was throwing handfuls in big clumps every few feet. I didn't even make it to the alter, I just threw down the empty basket and went and sat by my grandma, so Brandon went and pouted too and did the same. I wish I remembered it as my own memory and not a retelling, or that it had been on video because I would love to see it now. I am also super excited about Chicago because of Louis Vuitton and I am hoping I will have enough time to run over there and see if I can find something special for myself. God, how I love Louis Vuitton.

I am supposed to be at Jake's right now but I have a headache and really would not be a lot of fun. Teetz isn't happy with me because of this, but I just am not feeling social right now. I am in one of my funks where I need to be left alone and I love him to death, but I just wish he would understand that sometimes I just need to be by myself and I wish he wouldn't get mad at me for it. I know it is the 4th and all and yay for fireworks, but it's not the same as at home and I don't really want to be around people right now.

I have not spoken to Adam since he left Mississippi for Iraq and while I was not expecting to quite yet, every day the news freaks me out with more bombings and all that shit. I know it shouldn't and I should not let it get to me, but I can't help it. Someone I love very much is over there right now in the middle of all of this bullshit and my greatest fear in the world is that I will never see him again. I know I should not think like that, but how can I not? This is Adam we're talking about, and everyone who knows the score understands what that means.

I am still supremely excited about Gavin and Howie. Teetz and I were checking out the websites last night and there are some cool t-shirts and shit, but you can't be that guy who wears the t-shirt of the band he is seeing. Teetz will probably be that guy. I am so excited. I have decided while Howie is better looking than Gavin, I am more into Gavin's music. Howie has some great stuff and we know "Collide" will probably remain one of my all-time favorite songs, but some of Howie's other stuff sounds the same and it kind of gets old after a while. I guess the music itself does not get old because he is very talented, but I just tire of it more easily than I do Gavin. The only song of Gavin's I can not get behind is "Chemical Party". Otherwise, they all kick some ass. "Just Friends" will always be a favorite, though it still hits a little close to home with the me-Adam-Alexis situation. And "Belief" is such a great song too, and "Overrated" too. I love them all I think, and "Nice to Meet You (Anyway)" is also fun. I am so excited! I also decided that while Gavin DeGraw can not be my baby's daddy, he is allowed to serenade my baby, which will be just as important. Howie, on the other hand, may possibly be my baby's daddy.

Speaking of my baby's daddy, Teetz told his brother I have a boyfriend now. Chaz asked if I still wanted to have sex with him, and Teetz didn't quite know how to put it that yes, Chaz is on my 'exceptions' list. And speaking of exceptions, Drake and Brian say that Chaz can't be on my list because it is likely I will meet him someday and exceptions are supposed to be unlikely people (that's also why I am supposed to take Jesse Boyer off my list). I think it's bunk to take them off, and I also think Teetz's brother is afraid of me. The rest of my exceptions list is as follows if you are curious:

1. Teetz's brother
2. Jesse Boyer
3. JJ Redick
4. Christopher Meloni
5. Vin Diesel

There are a few others that may have to sit aside as replacements just in case, but that's the top 5. Drake won't even give me 10, and we all know I need ten. Ah well.

I have decided I really need to take a break from drinking. I know when people read this they're either not going to believe me, or even wonder why, and Friday is a prime example. Not the part where I made that girl cry, that was fine, but the part about me starting and just not being able to stop. When I am downtown at a bar, I really don't know how to just socially drink. If I am at a house party it is different and I don't know why. Plus, when I do drink that much, I really think I am invincible, thus the walking out into traffic, not even in the crosswalk at least. I am by no means an alcoholic or anything, if I was I would have a beer or six right now, I just think I need to cut back a little bit to really prove to myself that I can. Not to mention I am going to gain weight like crazy if I keep drinking at this pace and we all know how i feel about weight gain and my fear of that. Maybe we don't all know, but in that case if you don't, then it is none of your business anyway and not something you need to concern yourself with.

I would rather sign off on a happier note than my disgust with fat and food, so I will leave the lyrics to a favorite Gavin song for you to ponder:

"Belief"

Belief

Makes things real

Makes things feel

Feel alright

Belief

Makes things true

Things like you

You and I

Tonight, you arrested my mind

When you came to my defense

With a knife

In the shape of your mouth

In the form of your body

With the wrath of a god

Oh, you stood by me

Belief

Builds from scratch

Doesn't need to relax

It doesn't need space

Long live the queen and I'll be the king

In the collar of grace

Tonight, you arrested my mind

When you came to my defense

With a knife

In the shape of your mouth

In the form of your body

With the wrath of a god

Oh, you stood by me

Belief

I'm going to yell it from the rooftops

I'll wear a sign on my chest

That's the least I can do

Tonight, you arrested my mind

When you came to my defense

With a knife

In the shape of your mouth

In the form of your body

With the wrath of a god

Oh, you stood by me

Tonight, you arrested my mind

When you came to my defense

With a knife

In the shape of your mouth

In the form of your body

With the wrath of a god

Oh, you stood by me

And I'll stand by my

Belief

Days til Gavin and Howie: 11!!!!!!!

Flirting and Sex

Two years ago, I was the biggest flirt. It was something I was good at and granted, it drove guys crazy because they could never tell if I was serious and liked them, if I was just flirting, or if I was being nice by talking to them at all. So I realize the last one sounds kind of mean, but lets be honest, some of the guys I am referring to from a few years ago are lucky enough that I even gave them the time of day. So I went on my merry way all through my sophomore year and slowly my ability seemed to start dwindling. I don't know if I used up all my 'Flirt Time' in that one year, or what a possible answer is that I just used it all up on one guy, who as it turns out, I "got", for a while anyway so everyone's a winner. Well, I was a winner, no one else really mattered in the situation. But that's beside the point. My dear friend Justin was helpful and supportive however with words of encouragement: "Just practice flirting, you'll get it back." That helped, but then my junior year started and I was completely plowed over by the wreck of a relationship known as the Adam Era. There were highs and lows as all relationships have but for a while I was certain if that's what flirting got me, I was better off just not saying a word. Slowly but surely, however, I seem to be getting it back. In addition, I seemed to have picked up a whole slew of sexual innuendos along the way. I'm not sure yet if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but flirting does not make someone a whore. You might say things that give people the wrong idea sometimes (For example, last Saturday at Jake's, his girlfriend's friend drunkenly asked me if I had sex a lot.) Just because you talk about sex, just because you like to flirt, that doesn't mean shit. If I had sex nearly as much as I JOKED about it, then you might have a case in saying it makes me schlutty, but I don't, so it doesn't. I'm not sure where I am going with this, mostly people shouldn't ever take anything I say too literally, unless it's "Teetz, I want to fuck your brother". I am dead serious about that.

Days til Teetz is legal: 48

All sorts of nothing

For the record, I did not 'profess my love' to Teetz's brother, as Teetz claims I did. I merely talked to him on the phone for twenty minutes and he proclaimed his life for me FOUR DIFFERENT times. Of course, the reasons he said he loved me were for typical drunken reasons such as: A. I said I was blunt and like to say things for shock value; B. I want to get Teetz wasted on his 21st birthday; C. Just because; and D. I can't remember why. Apparently Teetz also talked to Chaz last night and while he kind of remembers talking to me he doesn't remember much at all from the night, however Teetz actually said that if Chaz could just make out with me, that would be great. Teetz is very very in trouble. But hey, if all this nonsense means just once I get to make out with his hott brother, then sweet for me.

I am moving out of the dorms finally, and everything should be okay. I wish I could afford to live by myself because I'd much rather do that, but until I have a grown-up job, I'm stuck. Even the places Teetz looked at for the summer are like, $450 and that's just for an efficiency, I'd have to be without cable, Internet and once in a while probably electricity just to pay rent. Ah well, I can survive a year.

There is absolutely nothing else of great importance going on right now. I am done with classes this week because I don't have any finals. I can't believe my senior year is ending so quietly. Last night we had Senior Send-Off and JV wrote me the most hilarious prophecy, I had the best one, by far. However, I am also the only senior some of them actually like, so...Anyway.

That really is about it. I have my Bios 295 final tomorrow which, rumor has it, we're making ice cream. Not 100% sure, but I don't think any final we have can be too tough.

Also, I reread that stuff I wrote after I brought Teetz's drunk ass back from Jake's Saturday night/Sunday morning. After thinking about it a lot more, I realize the last statement was false. At first it really did suck and I was upset because I never thought I would have the guts to tell this guy that I couldn't be friends with him anymore. I am glad I did though, because he never really cared about me and if he did, things would have gone a lot differently between us. It's okay though, I am better and stronger for doing what I did and I am glad it is over. There's a line in the book, "He's Just Not That Into You" that the author says when choosing friends I prefer the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep at night. Things were never that bad but the sentiment is the same. I want friends who will be there for me when I need them, not when they have a spare moment and luckily, I have them. I don't know what I would do without them in fact, so for those of you reading this I know I don't say it enough: thanks

Days til Teetz is legal: 50

Sarah Teetzen Sounds Nice, Don't You Think?

And no, I am not talking about the baby of the family, I am talking about the older one. And I am actually totally kidding, but I bet it got your attention, didn't it? So, plans are already in the works to celebrate Teetzy's 21st, which is June 16th. I know some people who read this might think they are his friends so they think they can come buy him drinks, but there will be a guest list and if you're not on it, you can't be part of the entourage. I'm thinking a Long Island from Woody's to start with for sure, but we have to remember he's kind of a lightweight still, though we've been working slowly but surely to get his tolerance up in time for the shin-dig. We also want to really make sure he actually remembers it and doesn't puke all over, because if he pukes, chances are I will too and then I will puke again. It won't be a fun time. This won't be a traditional bar crawl either, because Teetz is above that, and we don't want him too fucked up. Nor do we want him doing shots of hard liquor until he is a little more experienced. I think a fish bowl from Duffy's would be nice, probably either a Sex on the Beach or a Purple Hooter. They're nice and sweet and won't completely obliterate him. Remember, it's quality, not quantity...kind of. He will still definitely be hammered, but in a fun way, not a puking way. I have 52 days to plan the best quasi-bar crawl ever. And who knows, I just might get to make out with his brother. Cross your fingers on that one.

Days til Teetz is legal: 52